Self Help Bible

It might be the hormones raging during the teen years or the multitude of comedy romance movies that set our expectations of love so high. Love can be the most wonderful thing in the world, and it can also be the worst. When you are in love and the love is reciprocated you feel like you are floating on air and that nothing can go wrong, but when that same love turns on its head you can feel like the foundation you stand on can no longer hold.

When you are in love you invest your whole and complete self into the relationship, you start identifying yourself as part of a couple and no longer as a single person and though it is a slow change that happens over the course of a relationship, when this relationship falls apart, it can be difficult to find yourself as a single person again and wading through the hurt and rejection of a lost love can make it even more difficult.

It is inevitable that after a bad break-up, or a break-up of any kind really, your self-esteem will take a knock, this is completely normal. But you cannot let this phase last too long or you might get swallowed up in the tide of negative emotions. There are ways to get your self-esteem back on track, but it does take some time so remember to be patient with yourself.

The first and most important part of this process is making a clean break. There is a tendency, especially among women, to want to go back. There is some part in all of us that doesn’t want to let go and it is that part that tries to pull you back to the relationship. Your friends and family will tell you it is a bad idea, and in all likelihood you won’t listen but you know you should. If you keep going back to a relationship that you know doesn’t work then all you are doing is selling yourself short and making yourself unhappy. Try to remember the reasons you broke up in the first place, write them down or record them if you have to, just make a clean break.

As part of mourning the relationship you will go through periods when you are fine, but at other times you will feel overwhelmed by the sadness of what you have lost, and the rage and denial that come with it. Be aware of these emotions, let them happen but don’t let them control you. It will pass.

The best way to focus on the positives is to keep busy. Keep your mind and your body busy. Pouring yourself into work will keep you busy and make your feel productive, while keeping physically active by going for walks or going to the gym, will keep the endorphins flowing. A combination of keeping busy and having a good friend to talk to will make a big difference to how you respond to the break-up, and remember – be patient with yourself.